Adventures Of Bee مغامرات النحلة الجبارة

How do you lay the past to rest and admit that those scars it stamped you with are now what you are. They'll never heal..how would you become even with your beackground, heritage, and cultural baggage without bowing down, being swallowed in their mess.

How can you love your family and distance yourself from it in self defense...how can you live at peace when the violent trail of your life is still alongside you, like a faithful shadow. Would you stay One? how can you still love your mother and father, accept them the way they are, when all they do is hammer you to the shape they want?

How did you learn to think, smoke, love, drink, curse, fuck, help, lie, and run away? and above all, how would you quit them all? why don't you ever finish what you start, but turn your back on it and leave on the first plane?

How can you love your country, and be relieved you left it? how can you hate your country, when every cell in you was forged in its fires, soil and sea...How do you really stop caring, there are no magic pills for that...

And how can you love yourself, accept your weaknesses, when you grew up always trying to be strong and break away from them all. How the hell do you get up after every crash? why bother? 

You sure have solid walls around you, what a great resort against the others...but you, you're still trapped in there; the cute, tiny, eternally scared Piglet in you is stuck within, and sometimes, he suffocates. 

You want to be loved for who you are, but you've gone a looong way now in your disguise, that you don't know which "you" is real. You can't make sense, but can never go back...That's why you shun the mere idea of offspring, a return to painful familial ties you severed on your great futile journey towards freedom!

You are not One. You will never be. One is boring anyway...excesses are your fuels. They will wear you down, you know. Loneliness, will be your eternal foe, but u'll forever stand alone, the outcast you are.

Carpe Diem, carpe diem, carpe diem, carpe diem...

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The pounding in my chest was worse than any alarm clock that morning. I woke up in fright, gasping for dear oxygen, to soothe my panicky brain.

That was the morning I cut my chest, ripped my heart out, and fed it to a black cat called Minui. He died the morning after.